The "Stay At Home Mom" conundrum

You'd think that being a mother in modern times would be a easier. Our generation of women proved we could be anything we wanted to be and many things simultaneously. When we started having babies, it was supposed to be the best educated and best prepared group for motherhood. Yet the guilt, anxiety and exhaustion of trying to fulfill this prophecy made some of our ranks competitive, doubtful and judgy. Lots of discussion started about the "Mommy Wars," pitting women who remain in the workforce against those who stay home. All this rhetoric makes everyone feel defensive and that whatever situation you've got isn't quite good enough.

I'll admit making this decision was not easy for me. For all of my adult life, I worked hard to earn respect and credibility as a highly competent digital media professional. Then all of a sudden, I was on the doorstep of another role I had always aspired to (being a mom). But I had no idea of how being a stay-at-home-mom (or as I like to say "domestic project manager") would fit me or how to reconcile my professional self with being the kind of mom I wanted to be. So I knew I had to get back to basics. While mulling it over, I realized there were just 5 fundamental questions I needed to ask myself.

1. What can we afford financially?
I created a budget in 2007 when we started thinking about a baby and figured out that we could meet our financial responsibilities with one income. Not everyone can do that, I understand. Sometimes it's a matter of living within one's means but for others it takes both salaries to make the mortgage. In this economy most people on the bubble are not eager to jettison the second income. I definitely needed assurance we could do this before I committed to giving up my job. But indeed our life would need to contract and the discretionary spending would have to tighten up considerably. To this day though, I am still feeling my way through our budget and seeing what things really cost. I'll be honest, it's been a challenge to alter the spending behavior of once having had two incomes.

2. What effect will this have on our child?
Before we had Sidney, Ken and I discussed what we liked about our own childhoods and both of us had moms who stayed home in the early years. I vividly remember the comfort I felt when I would be at home with my mom or come home from school & she would be there. Also, she would go on field trips with my classes and would volunteer at the school. I knew that I would want to provide that for our child too.

From everything I have read, the first 3-5 years of a child's life are the most important in setting the stage for confidence, curiosity and a multitude of fledgling skills. Especially since it took great effort to conceive her, I was determined that one of her parents would get the privilege of experiencing these hard-fought milestones.

3. What effect will the decision have on me (my aspirations, my sanity, my desire to be a good mom)?
I wanted a new challenge and I certainly got it. This is the hardest job I've ever done with 10-12 hrs a day including weekends and both physically & mentally demanding. But it has rounded me out as a person. I didn't know I had the compassion, creativity & patience that I do. For me, being a mom at home showed me that.

As for my future in the workforce, I am linked to many of my former colleagues via Facebook, Linked In and keep in touch directly too. While I am most comfortable with high tech, I have also been interested in project management and non-profit work. I look forward to working for a company I believe in when I start again and it could be in any sector as far as I'm concerned. So it's a big question mark what will happen to my career next.

I do miss the constant, daily adult interaction and am amazed at how "small" my world has become. Being interested in technology, things change very fast so I skim a few technical blogs so Ken and I can chat when he gets home about the industry. But I've heard stories about how women who leave the workforce are looked down upon. In terms of my own professional identity, I worked very hard my whole life in school and in the working world to earn the respect of others by delivering results and learning new things. What I hear myself talking about now completely amazes me. Just yesterday I detailed the ingredients of a slow cooker recipe, described Sidney's poop, groused about other mothers at co-op and had a few hours of rambling narrative directed at my daughter about what we were looking at any given moment.

I have joined a few parenting groups, attend foreign language story times and have enrolled us in an infant co-op so that there are things to look forward to & other people to interact with. But most important for Sidney & me, amassing a new community of friends and associates who are focused on raising children.

4. What childcare options do we have?
With the closest immediate family 3 hours away, we would require a non-family member to watch Sidney if I worked. It's very expensive to get good care and naturally competitive with many like-minded parents vying for limited spots. The economy sucks right now but even before, most companies (except some few enlightened ones) really don't accommodate working families. It's short-sighted and forces people to choose job or family.

5. What work options do I have?
It seemed the right timing to ride off into the sunset after my maternity leave. If there was a way to command a completely flexible schedule with minimal part-time hours, I wouldn't mind staying somewhat connected to a workplace but I just don't see it right now. This choice comes across pretty black and white but maybe that's because the American society sees it that way: either you're in the workforce or you're not. Yes, there are people who have situations that are the perfect balance but it's a rare thing.

In my friend Sarah's yearly letter to friends and family, she said this of her pregnancy though I think it could be applied to parenthood in general:
"And your body pulses with a cocktail of new hormones like "relaxin," which while sounding lovely, makes your joints stretch in ways that would impress Gumby. Along with all the physical stretching, though, it's the mind that bends the most. What about my career? My travels? Our ability to feel spontaneous and independent? Pregnancy challenges us to face uncertainty and changes in a life pattern we've come to cherish."

And so my mind is bending to embrace the new priorities as each day passes and Sidney grows up. I feel undeniably fortunate to have this chance to participate and witness it first hand. As Shannon reminded me, though Sidney will not remember much of this time, I will. So I just need to remember that on those rare, tough days when the routine gets a little tedious or the girl is fussy.

Babies all around!

As I reported earlier this month, we joyfully welcomed the newest Testa (Prince Maxfield) into the world. But we are pleased to announce here that two other couples we love & adore are expecting babies in 2010:

Sarah & Mika (early May)



Sam & Suzanne (late June)


We're letting them practice with Sidney.

Preparing for Baby: Classes

To have a baby these days, it seems preparation is the key. You can read books and watch DVDs but if you are fortunate to have access to classes, by all means take them. Because Ken and I are nerds at heart, we took and are taking as many classes we can. After all, there is something to be said about having the wisdom of others passed on, have the benefit of a live session where you can ask questions and being around other people in the same boat as you.

The hospital system where we are delivering (Swedish) has an extensive "curriculum" that soon-to-be-parents can attend. They even have a grandparents class that sadly none of the Wetus grands will get to take. (But I know the Testas are going to do this so perhaps we will get a report...) If you are eager to learn and interact, it's best to get the Welcome package for a lump sum of $250/couple. That let's you sign up for almost all of the flagship classes and keeps the transactions quite easy. Once you sign up and pay your fee, you just use a code to register online for the classes/times of your choice.

We've taken:

• Childbirth Preparation class--Planned Cesarean Birth w/Hospital Tour: It's good to know what to expect and some of the nitty-gritty details of this type of deliver. Though they don't tell you "everything." You have to consult close girlfriends for those gems.
• Postpartum Preparation: How it's normal to feel overwhelmed and under the control of "aliens" right after baby is born. But really it has to do with hormones, sleep deprivation and a brand new creature who relies on you for its very survival. Coping skills.
• Newborn Care: Swaddling, diapering, bathing, warning signs and more.
• Breastfeeding: There is a lot more to know about this than you may think. Especially if you want to do this with some level of success.
• Infant Safety & CPR: A very empowering class. To know how to do CPR-- and on an infant even, you feel pretty tough and prepared.

Still to take in the next few weeks:

• Conscious Fathering (Ken only): We've heard many dads enjoyed this one.
• Car-Seat Installation and Safety: 80+% of car seats are installed incorrectly. I know we both have college degrees and astute minds but this is something we have to get right.

But one of the most rewarding classes which is not included in the Welcome package is a 2-day workshop designed by John & Julie Gottman of the Gottman Institute @ UW. It's called Bringing Baby Home. It's taught in the Swedish system and is more about how your marriage or relationship is affected by the new baby. You work on tools and skills to help you stay connected with your partner when you are both sleep-deprived, emotionally drained and vulnerable to high relationship dissatisfaction--all of this due to the new addition. Even if you have rock solid relationship, it's a good way to arm yourself with tools and understanding that the challenge of parenthood will place a strain on a marriage. How you deal with that affects not only the couple but the children. We highly recommend it.

While I did an entry on books earlier, I want to plug a book that just came out that I REALLY like. It's called Baby 411, by the same folks who wrote Baby Bargains. Based on good science, it is straight-forward on all the 1st year topics and very easy to read/retain with no-nonsense chapter about vaccines. Again, it's based on actual scientific evidence, which we respect and will uphold.

Babymoon

Ken and I took a overnight this weekend to go spend some "us" time before the baby gets here at one of our favorite local getaways, the Salish Lodge & Spa. It sits right above the majestic Snoqualmie Falls. There was a bottle of sparkling cider, a little teddy bear and a wedge pillow for my gigantic belly waiting for us in the room. We each got a massage prior to going out for dinner and we ordered dessert from room service. It was a lovely way to officially bid farewell to our days as a duo. And likely the last time in a long while that we'll feel so free to indulge.





A small plug: As someone who has difficulty sleeping in any bed but her own, I have to say the Salish beds are absolutely fantastic. Highly recommended and just wonderful.

We sang a few Beatles songs to the Wetus before we went to sleep and it really seemed to respond. I guess that means I'm going to have to brush up on those songs. Sunday morning we had a delicious breakfast in their dining room, especially the pancakes. But I advise against ordering the 7-course country breakfast--we did that on our first visit in 2003--while tasty, that's just way too much food.

35 weeks

I can't even believe this is me.

Anyway, here we are exactly 4 weeks away from the scheduled c-section and Ken & I are both trying to get ready and read up on parenting, while savoring our free time watching TV, going to movies and staring off into space for minutes at a time (me) / practicing the Theremin (Ken).

Sleep, which we've been encouraged to get as much as possible of, is a welcome respite but like clockwork gets interrupted every 2 hours by my intense need to pee. This has strangely prepared me for the feeling of being roused multiple times at night and still being able to function somewhat during the day. It's also turned me into (gasp) a morning person.

During the hot, hot weather here in Seattle a few weeks ago, I began to get swelling in my feet & ankles. With the cooling temps, that has eased a little but even now, I look down and see balloon-like shapes that are actually my feet. This occurs after sitting too long or tucking my legs under me. There are now only 3 pairs of shoes in my collection that fit me, 2 of which being flip flops.

Speaking of heat, since I run a bit hot these days (as most pregnant women do), I find myself wanting ice in every single drink I have. This is a 180 from what I preferred as a non-pregnant lady. And with that, my fascination and longing for straws is also on the rise. With the shrinking area my stomach is allowed to expand to, sometimes I wish I could just drink all my nutrients. I can suck down multiple tall glasses of ice water and lemonade in a matter of seconds. But I'm not down with those Ensure shakes since I don't think that's real nutrition. I guess I just need to be less lazy.

The vicious cycle of not being very active and then not having very much energy leads me through days of going from one sitting activity to another. While it is comforting to sit, there are times when I harken back to more active times, when I could be on my feet for hours and get a lot of things done.

Yesterday was a surprising exception when we picnicked and strolled with the Testas in a well-kept secret gem of a park called Kubota Gardens, located in Rainer Valley. This garden was the masterwork of a Japanese-American gardener who designed the landscapes of Seattle University campus and the Japanese Garden at the Bloedel Reserve on Bainbridge Island. The family donated this garden to the city of Seattle recently and now it's a lovely park that everyone can enjoy. There was no admission fee and the winding trails and many bridges over the waterways made it a fascinating place to explore. Also having the Japanese-American historical aspect was intriguing to me as well. Evidently neighbors and friends of the Kubotas helped hang onto the land while the family was interned during World War II. That was the one thing I found the most amazing is that the family had not lost ownership/control over the vast property while so many others had been forced to liquidate. It's a lovely place visit and a tribute to the better part of human nature.

Braxton-Hicks contractions & round ligament pain have been on the rise lately. I counter it by sitting on my exercise ball or stretch my lower half by leaning onto something stable and sticking my butt out. Looks downright stupid but feels so good. Wetus is has been "on the move" and seems to like when Daddy talks & sings. Have not consumed any more Dr. Pepper but I'm thinking of getting something chocolate here in a moment since my eyelids are getting very heavy and I could use a pick me up.

Seattle Baby Shower

This past weekend, Amy & Karen threw a Seattle-area baby shower for me and the Wetus at Russell's, a restaurant/reception destination in a converted and charming barn in Bothell. Chef Russell prepared a wonderful, simple summer luncheon menu and the gals attended to details that made the afternoon relaxing and personal. One of the games that stood out as a favorite was where we had to draw a picture of the baby with a crayon while the paper was on top of our head. Made for some great pictures. Mom and Cindy came up for the festivities and many ladies came who I have not seen in a while. It was an honor to have everyone there and the Wetus will certainly not want for anything after this. Check out the extensive slide show for some great shots by Cindy and Mom.

Family/Portland Baby Shower

Over the weekend, we journeyed down to Portland for the family shower thrown by Angela & Mother. They did a fantastic job and all the food, decorations & details were wonderful. We had a great group--mostly family but also some friends from the Portland/Vancouver area. We feel so grateful to have such enthusiastic support for our pending arrival and based on what we received, this kid is going to want for nothing.


Pics by Cindy, Sue & Lori.

33 weeks

Here we are at 33 weeks. It was a hard earned 33 weeks. We've traveled, put the nursery together, taken classes and endured some wild weather.

Today we had an ultrasound and they confirmed that my placenta previa has still not moved nor is it likely to. My doctor made the call that we are going to do a planned cesarean and most likely it will happen on Monday, September 21st.

Being that this possibility has been talked about for months now, I am not feeling upset about the c-section itself. We even took a class a few weekends ago that focuses on c-sections so we feel "informed." But it is a shock that we have a date. Where before it was sort of nebulous and spontaneous, now it seems very scientific and exacting. I think it's also that we realize we have no more than 6 weeks to get stuff done, arranged and organized.

But honestly one thing that is sad to me is that we aren't going to get to have the experience with the doula that I had hoped. But I'm really curious to know what her thoughts are about c-sections and making them an experience that feels connective and magical despite all the medicine & science. I hope to discuss that with her very soon.

But today was special in that they brought out the 3D Ultrasound paddle so we got a good look at the Wetus who has chubby cheeks, a seemingly Japanese/Sakai nose and evidently a long femur bone which means this kid could be tall. Clearly not from me. But Wetus is measuring healthy and things are looking good. When I pat my belly it makes the noise like when you pat a melon. In fact that's what they say the baby is the size of now.

Wetus Chat

Dear Wetus:

Yesterday we shared a special moment when I introduced you to the wonders of caffeine and high fructose corn syrup in the form of a Dr. Pepper. I know it was a new experience given how little I consume soda and haven't consumed coffee or tea at all during the pregnancy. It's just that with 7+ weeks to go, it takes so much more energy and effort to move my big self around. I was at work, exhausted and it was only 3pm so I had to do something. Hopefully that little jolt was a highlight of the in utero experience and you'll think fondly back on it. You see, I'm managing a big project at work which is due right before you're supposed to be born. I've been telling my co-workers the project baby has to be born before the Wetus baby. (Any help from your end with keeping the birth order as intended is appreciated, by the way.)

Just in the last few weeks, I've seen "big" changes in myself. The swelling of my feet is directly correlated to how hot it is outside which went big time in those 90/100 degree temps a few weeks ago. Until then, I had felt so smug because I hadn't experienced any swelling that most pregnant women complain about--but I celebrated too soon. In addition, I thought I could be one of those lucky ladies who don't get stretch marks but just realized the other day, I didn't win the lottery on that one either. And last but not least, for the life of me, I NEVER thought I'd drink milk again--or in this case utterly crave the smooth creamy texture and taste of it. But indeed this formerly lactose-intolerant gal gets 2 pints of milk at lunch (like I'm back in grade school) and gulps them down with vigor. Look at these amazing changes you've inspired.

Now I don't want this to sound like an excerpt from that shallow, self-indulgent, ridiculous book, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. None of these issues are a big deal in the scheme of things. The fact that you are getting bigger, stronger--I can tell by the power behind those kicks--and receiving the nutrients you need is really all that matters (at least that's what I keep telling myself).

We're looking forward to seeing you on the ultrasound again Monday and your Dad & I continue to read books and take a litany of classes. It's funny, the more we learn, the more it seems we really don't know what we've gotten ourselves into. Ah well, we promise to get fully up to speed in 7 weeks--don't you worry.

Much love,

Momma

IKEA assembly joy

Two weeks ago while Ken was racking up the miles on the Harley with his brothers & cousin, my own cousin (Ms. Angela) came up here from Portland and spent a glorious week with me.

Angela & I after her college graduation last summer

In addition to helping with household stuff, palling around with me for a little shopping and cooking some great grub, she assembled the majority of the IKEA furniture that is for the nursery and did a great job. I myself actually like putting IKEA stuff together because of the challenge it poses but at this stage of pregnancy, my energy level and stamina is not what it once was. I would get started helping place some wood screws in a panel while sitting on the floor and after 10 minutes I would have to take a break. There are no words in IKEA instructions so you have to be really careful and observant because many parts tend to look alike and none of them are labeled with numbers or letters--even though it would eliminate a lot of the confusion.

But the major obstacle we hit was with the changing table... Angela was almost done and all we had to do was slide the 2 drawers in. For some reason they wouldn't go in all the way. I'd noticed that the ends of the tracks (installed within the cabinet) were slightly canted down. I thought perhaps they had been damaged ever so slightly and that was why the drawers wouldn't go in. As she tried again to push in the bottom drawer, I decided that maybe all it needed was a little force so I gave it a good shove. This caused it to jump the track on one side and then we couldn't get the damn thing out.

We called IKEA and began to set in motion an exchange where they would come drop off a new unit and we'd give them this defective one. It was sort of late at night so we both went to bed slightly disappointed that we did not get all the IKEA things put together. The next morning, I sat in my glider looking at the changing table and reviewing the instructions. As I mentioned, one has to pay very close attention to these visual only instructions and I realized that we installed tracks on the inside of the cabinet upside down which I compounded by forcing the drawer onto them in a way they aren't meant to go. Aww man. I was sure the IKEA people would take one look at that and realize it was our error and not theirs. So I knew what we had to do.

Determined to fix it, Angela and I flipped the thing on it's side and tried to alleviate the pressure on the jumped track side. Nothing changed. We flipped it again so the feet were up and the top was down. I loosened the front of the drawer so that it sort of collapsed on itself ever so slightly and with the angle and the lessened tension on the track, it mercifully slid out. We were SO relieved. Angela was able to switch the tracks, retightened all the things I had loosened and the drawers went in as they should. I could not have done it without her and am so grateful for our collective tenacity to get it done.

It was a great week and I really appreciated her help & presence.

Here are the finished products:

Toy chest without Oliver perched on it.

29 weeks

Today I found out I missed the glucose test by one point. You have to get 129 or less to pass. I got 130. So that means I get to do the test again but this time I have to fast for 8 hours prior, drink the flat 7up stuff again and get a blood draw once an hour for three hours. I also found out that my iron levels were borderline so I've been put on a supplement. Sigh.

Feeling quite big and exhausted hauling myself around. I've gained maybe 11-12 pounds since being pregnant but breathing is harder because of the reduced capacity, eating is tricky so as not to fill up on liquids before I can get some food down and sleeping is a challenge because not only do I wake up every two hours to use the bathroom, but sleeping on one side for too long hurts my hip and shoulder. They are not kidding when they say the third trimester is the most troublesome.

But Wetus is getting big and the kicks/movement are stronger, visible from the outside. It's a thrill to see and baby responds to being pressed on, some vocalizations "kick" and music. I am not able to tell what body part is pressing out though. Some ladies can easily recognize them--I can only tell if it's the head.

New in the last week: craving milk. I continue to LOVE lemonade, limeade and the summer fruits. I've thought fondly of a Top Pot Doughnut or two but resisted. I also love drinking water--liquids in general are just so comforting. The nursery is really coming together and I'll post pics of it soon. I am dealing much better with the milder weather here in Seattle and looking forward to our trip next week to the Oregon Coast. But right now I am looking forward to bed.

25 Weeks

Me...




The Nursery sans Theremin & crib...




Crib construction...




The Nursery / temporary Theremin practice room...




The Fighting Wetus...


(Boxing gloves compliments of Daddy who likes to take liberties in Photoshop.)

Media NOT Recommended for Pregnancy

Then there's the stuff one should stay away from during pregnancy--and I'm not talking sushi, coffee, lunch meat or blue cheese.

Here are some major offenders:

Book

Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy

Probably the worst book I've encountered regarding pregnancy. Tone is snarky and shallow. I guess the woman who wrote this is a former Playboy Playmate--which may explain the unshakable fixation on appearance and how pregnancy/childbirth affects a swinging gal's mojo. There are a lot of humor books on the topic of pregnancy and a few are listed in my former post. This is in no way "humorous"; it vacillates simultaneously between annoying and sad.

TV/Movies

The Fly 2 (first 10 minutes especially)

One of our friends said not just pregnant women but everyone should be warned against this movie. I thought this was a descent movie but the first scene is very horrific if you are pregnant or ever thinking about becoming so.

Battlestar Galactica Episode "The Farm"

From my favorite TV show comes a disturbing episode that showcases the cylons desire to cross-breed with humans and their mechanisms to accomplish that. Makes you think twice about what we do to animals/livestock in the name of science.

Any of the "Alien" movies

One of the best sci-fi story lines ever but does not mix well with pregnancy. Technically this doesn't have anything to do with pregnancy, but NOW the idea of a creature bursting out of your chest/abdomen area--yeah not so cool.

Star Trek 2009 (just the first 10 minutes)

I'm a big ole nerd & I love me some Trek. Wasn't totally on board with Sylar, I mean New Spock but grew to accept it. However, the very first scene involving Kirk's parents and the evacuation of his mom whilst in-labor to an escape pod while his dad stayed on the bridge to detonate the ship manually--I was inconsolably bawling. Surprised the hell out of me too. Hello hormones.

Supernatural, pilot episode

This is probably one of the most frightening TV episodes I've ever seen, ranking right up there with "Home" from the X-files (back when it was good). The flashback scene in the first 15 minutes is so surprising and bloody, describing it doesn't do it justice. There are summaries of the episode online and I was going to link to one but when you see it written out, it doesn't seem that bad. But trust me, don't watch this if you're pregnant or just had a baby.

Overall, I find myself becoming really sensitive to violence in movies and TV now. I don't have the immunity to it that I once did. Also I find myself sort of weepy at the oddest things: pictures of puppies, sentimental music and don't even get me started on the movie UP. Be warned.

Media and Resources for Pregnancy

Parenthood is one of those endeavors that sometimes doesn't get the preparation it deserves. I can't understand why people might think that the physiological changes and responsibility of nurturing a forming human being would require little to no study because it's what "we're meant to do." I guess the assumption is made that the example of one's parents serve as the template and will teach you most of what you need to know. But while I think my parents did a fine job and I will emulate some of what they did, I also believe that learning and applying the skills, tools and knowledge that it takes to be a successful parent (not just getting by) takes discipline and focus. After all, I went to college for 4 years just to form the baseline of my professional aptitude and this seems to fall into a headier endeavor than learning how to produce the news or make a video documentary.

While there are so many great resources out there for pregnancy and childbirth preparation, it can be overwhelming. Personally, though I can't get enough of it. If one were to come to our house right now, they'd find all sorts of media regarding pregnancy & parenting scattered about. Because I love lists, I thought it might be helpful to compile all the books, podcasts, videos and websites that we are looking at.

Books:

Your Week by Week Pregnancy

This is my favorite resource for what changes are going on for me, the growth of the baby and ideas for exercise.

Baby Bargains

Already mentioned how helpful this is in sorting through establishing the registry and figuring out what baby gear you may need.

Everything Baby Names Book

We're still working on names but this helped. The book also includes Polynesian and First Nation names if you are seeking them.

Afterbirth

This is a collection of stories that showcase the not so pretty but still poignant side of parenthood. It's a good grounding reference.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

This is supposedly the quintessential book that almost all expectant parents have. I am not fond of the monthly format (I prefer weekly or even daily) and it seems like this book contains all the bad things that can happen. It's a helpful book to have but not the only one you should read.

Happiest Baby on the Block

Our doula told us that there are only 5 things you need to know from this book and she could tell us these things in 15 minutes. We still have the book for reference though.

The Miraculous World of Your Unborn Baby

This book was given to us by Sue and has lots of pictures/photos of the developing fetus and what mom is going through. It's older but still something cool to track progress with.

Hatched

A humorous look at pregnancy and childbirth through still photos of posed, plastic chicks.

The Baby Book

A comprehensive guide to "attachment parenting" from birth and beyond.

Safe Baby Handling Tips

A humorous guide to good and bad ways of dealing with the baby's daily needs plus a "responsibility spinner" to help mom & dad decide who's going to change the next diaper.

The Expectant Father

A "dry & picture-less" guide to things that Ken says he already knows. But still probably a good reference for most dads to take a look at.

The Pregnancy Journal (Day to Day Guide)

If you're fascinated by all the changes you and baby are going through on a daily basis and you want to keep a journal, this is a book for you.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

Honestly, we haven't cracked this one yet. Have no idea if it's good or not.

Magazine:
Parenting

While it has some great idea cards you can rip out and take with you to entertain antsy children, this is mostly a collection of ads sprinkled with moderately interesting articles about parenthood.

DVDs:

In the Womb

We've watched this twice now. Fascinating chronicle of an English couple's pregnancy with 2-D, 3-D & 4-D images of their baby plus some graphical representations based on those images to show what babies do in the womb. Done by National Geographic. It's awesome.

Laugh and Learn about Childbirth

This came highly recommended by our neighbors and we will watch this soon.

The Gift of Motherhood (Book & DVD)

This came from my medical insurance company and we will watch this soon.

Podcasts (both available on iTunes):
Pea In the Podcast

Great weekly podcast to give you some in-depth discussion on a topic that is relevant to the stage of development you are in. Guest hosted with an OBGYN.

Baby Time

A Massachusetts couple logs their personal journey into parenthood with stories, advice and feedback from listeners.

Websites:
www.thebump.com
www.babycenter.com
www.americanpregnancy.org

Any other suggestions?

Pregnant celeb buddies

This is totally irrelevant and ridiculous but hey, what the heck?

Ellen Pompeo (age 39), known as Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy,

and Sarah Michelle Gellar (age 32), famous for her role on Buffy the Vampire Slayer,

are both due with their first babies around the same time I am. Yay!

(Sarah also has excellent taste in Camelbak water bottles.)

23 weeks

Ken said yesterday morning, "You really do look pregnant."
Good, so it's not just my imagination. I have seriously bumped out in recent days.

Another Week in Review

Nursery prep continued this past week with the Wall Doctor folks installing a drywall ceiling and patching the lath & plaster walls. I expected it to be a lot messier but was pleasantly surprised. A week from now, we'll have the walls, ceiling and trim painted and primed. Crown and chair rail moulding will also be painted and installed. Looking forward to seeing the full transformation. Until then, Ken has been using the empty, echoy room as a Theremin practice space.



Ken left mid-week to go down to the Bay Area to do a training for work. On Friday I joined him and it was sort of a Babymoon trial run. Wetus reacted when the pressure changed around takeoff and landing but other than that not too bad. I definitely need to get a small pillow for lumbar support. The way they design those seats, it's like they want you to shrivel up into a little ball. I had a little issue with not feeling like I could get lung-fulls of air when we were at cruising altitude but I rolled up my sweater and placed it behind my upper back which opened my chest/shoulders--much better.

We had a delightful visit with Josh & Clover who are also expecting and are about 6 weeks behind us. Unfortunately Clover has not had an easy go of it and has been consistently nauseated thus far. We are all hoping that this will turn the corner now that she's out of the 1st trimester--any day now. Luckily for us, she was feeling well enough to help show us around.

Our first stop in Palo Alto was the historic home/garden of Elizabeth Gamble. Quite picturesque and Ken made the most of it.





We picked up food at this cool gourmet salad place called Sprout Cafe where everything is organic and you can make highly customized salads. For me, that was akin to walking into a Whole Foods. Like I had gone to my happy place. So awesome.

We took our gourmet salads to the Stanford University campus where we ate at picnic tables and watched a lot of bridal parties having their pictures taken. But I can see why they do have pics there. Very striking campus and you can feel the palpable air of high expectations. Josh & Clover met while attending school there and illuminated the many connections to the university and the uprising of Silicon Valley.






We passed by the birthplace of HP which is considered the catalyst of putting the Silicon Valley on the map. There is a plaque in the yard of a private residence but it's actually the garage that was "ground zero" for the company. I know, it's nerdy.



No visit to California would be complete without a stop at In N Out Burger. It is my second favorite fast food place to Burgerville.

Sunday before we left, Josh took us to the local farmer's market that (especially being in California) had the most delicious and exquisite organic strawberries, cherries & peaches I've ever seen. We loaded up and hoped that most of it would make it back to Seattle with us on the plane. It did, though Ken kept wanting to eat the strawberries as we drove home from the airport but even though they were organic, I wanted him to wait until we could get home to wash them.

For most people, that might not have been the most exciting trip but it was just my speed, the food, weather & company were great. I do get tired more easily and in warmer weather, I seem to have less energy reserve which is going to be a challenge when we hit the East Coast in 4 weeks. Overall, I was grateful to have some time with my husband, away from our household responsibilities while it it still just the 2 of us. There is more traveling ahead of course but I'm glad we eased into it with this first trip.

Week in Review

This week was especially notable but I did a poor job of capturing it as it was happening. So just pretend this is an issue of Time or Newsweek and we'll look back on all the major stories with a wee bit of commentary.

Last Saturday/Sunday--Mother's Day weekend:
Austin surprised Mom by showing up here in Seattle during the Mother's Day weekend when she and Cindy came up to visit. It was a fun-filled 2 days that included a BBQ with the delightful Testas & Amy, plus a pre-funk visit with Sumeer. Mother got to drink a lot of wine and we had a raucous evening of celebrity true-stories told by Amy. I also broke out a tin of Cougar Gold. Here's some advice: if the pack date on the can predates Bush taking office, it's probably not good anymore. And it wasn't.

After a home-cooked breakfast the next morning by Mom and Cindy (they offered), we made a prerequisite visit to the Farmers Market especially to see the folks of Empire Ice Cream who are back for the season. Catch their Strawberry ice cream later this summer. It rocks.

Looking at earrings for Mother.

Even though I am not officially a momma yet, I received cards and presents(!) for Mother's Day which was an unexpected and wonderful thing. It's still pretty amazing to realize I will be in that category soon.

Monday--nursery prep, part one:
Austin stayed with us for a few days and helped us transform our fully packed office into an empty room for the nursery conversion. He did some major moving of items, Ethernet and speaker cable rewiring and made a pot of chili that is so spicy that Ken must eat the rest of it by himself.



Next week the Wall Doctor comes here to repair the cracks in the lath & plaster walls and to secure a drywall ceiling. We are looking forward to the upgrade and it's amazing how much stuff had to be moved out. But where is the office relocating in our ever shrinking house, you ask? Why, downstairs right outside the guest room, atop the newly cleaned carpets. Which by the way, looked incredible once they were cleaned. I wondered why we hadn't done it sooner since it wasn't that expensive.

Tuesday--Flight of the Conchords:
Austin's big birthday present from Mom and us this year was tickets to the Flight of the Conchords concert at the Paramount. First let me tell you that Amy sat with him since he got 2 tickets and pairing those two up harkens me back to our wedding day. There could not be two more opposite souls but they are fun to see interact. When first meeting her years ago, Austin suggested that she smelled like cabbage and needed a helmet. How many first impressions get off to that good a start?

The venue took pains to vex the scalpers from the primo seats (first 12 rows). If you were keen enough to get those seats during the internet presale (which I was for both pairs), you could only pick-up the tickets via will call an hour and half prior to the show, your entire group had to be present and once you entered the theater, there was no in/out privileges. So effectively you could not resell your tickets. Quite extreme but it was cool to know that we were sitting amongst fans who were savvy to get tickets and paid the same amount we did for them. It does get a bit crazy to get tickets to shows these days. You either have to jump on internet presales or be a fan and get notices months prior to the show date.



Thursday--Kick it: Aside from being the season finale of Grey's Anatomy that was rather shocking and a bit of a tear-jerker, Ken got to feel the baby kick for the first time! As I was waking up, I could feel The Wetus kicking but then I realized I could feel it with my hands so I grabbed his hand and (POW!) there it was. One of our favorite things to do now is play The Wetus some music before we go to bed via Ken's MP3 player and headphones. The Wetus will usually kick at the headphones (where the sound is coming from). Ken endeavors to introduce a range of music, including but not limited to the Bach Cello Suites, Finnish folk songs, Brazilian jazz and Beethoven's Greatest Hits. I guess we'll be reserving Depeche Mode, Radiohead, David Byrne, Genesis and The Killers for after it's born.

Friday--Baby 101:
Our neighbors, The Stewarts, who had Miss Emmy over 7 weeks ago, were kind enough to help educate us in the ways of real babies. Ken and I have many books on the subject, are signed up for several classes and have watched a few DVDs now. But nothing is quite like having a real live baby with real live situations.
Some of the major things we learned about:

• Elimination Training: getting an infant accustomed to using a toilet. Did you know most of the world's children don't use diapers? It can be done if you can pick up on the baby's cues and start associating a sound with going to the bathroom. 
  
• White noise: Did you know a hairdryer can double as a white noise generator when baby needs to be soothed? Facing the dryer away, turn it on and set it next to their head for 30 secs or so. Works.
  
• Vowel time: This could just be an Emmy thing but she is picking up on vowel sounds. If you catch her in an attentive mood, she will make sounds just like vowels so you just repeat them back to her. She seemed to be repeating them. What is truly amazing is realizing how much they comprehend even at that young an age. 
  
• Burping: Arms up and place baby's chest sort of over your shoulder whilst patting up and down the back. Gets big burps.
  
• Butt Paste: Moisture barrier to avoid diaper rash. Use liberally. 
  

So Friday was our training session. Next time we'll be in-charge but The Stewarts will still be onsite. One thing I have to overcome is that feeling of anxiety when the baby cries and despite what you do, nothing "fixes it." I notice they (and the cats) have a sense of patience and calm even when there is prolonged crying. 

We are eternally grateful to have this level of interaction with an infant so close to the arrival of our own. Both of us have commented that the experience and awareness that we're getting will help us feel better prepared and confident. And not to be left out, the Tomassi-Nunnelly family, the Rich family & the Grimsrud family have also been very instructive to us specifically for the amount of time we've spent with those children at various developmental stages.

Quite a whirlwind of a week.

21 Weeks

Progression of things

Ken and I figured this out the other day...

Wetus, Waby, Woddler, Wadolescent, Weenager, Woung Adult

What does a baby actually need?

A few weeks ago in preparation for creating the ULTIMATE baby registry, I solicited feedback from my girlfriends who are moms. I got some great responses and have finally found the time to compile it. In conjunction with the advice, I cross-referenced with the highly recommended book, Baby Bargains. Reading this consumer reports-like, detailed reference combined with the advice of girlfriends, I felt fairly confident about what we needed without even having stepped into a store. Thanks ladies!

Feedback from Anne of Ohio; Karen, Shelly, Tracy of the Seattle Metro area; Jenny of Arlington; Amy of Vancouver; Sue of Portland; Heather of Wenatchee

Words of wisdom:

“Everything is subjective to your baby’s personality. You will find that this list varies. I'd love to see what you get back.” (Jenny)

“My first piece of advice is to borrow, borrow, borrow!!!! I think you will find that everyone has different opinions of what is 'necessary'.” (Shelly)

“You can't imagine how much you will love the noisiest, messiest, most demanding person you've ever met. But they are very sturdy. And, when you feel overwhelmed and are trying to figure things out--so are they. Plus, it goes by so very, very fast.”    (Amy)

“For me I found a lot more things became 'essential' after my second one was born. With just one, convenience is the main concern.” (Amy)

Responses that had a majority of consensus:

1. Besides a crib and a car seat, what are the top products & gear you can't/couldn't live without?

• Onesies 
• Bouncer/Swing/Pack’n Play/Exersaucer—basically a place to put baby where they can be safe while mom can have 15 minutes to get some stuff done.
• Cloth diapers for burp cloths (lots of them)
• Baby carrier—Baby Bjorn & Ergo Carrier were both suggested.  Important qualities: 

a. the baby doesn’t immediately outgrow it

b. doesn’t smash your boobs 

c. something daddy will wear

d. doesn’t strain your back

• Diaper Bag—one with backpack straps and something daddy is willing to carry and won’t be embarrassed. (Heck, something I’m willing to carry and won’t be embarrassed.)
  
• Stroller—feedback is mixed on which kind is best. Clearly depends on the intended usage. 
  
• Breast Pump—Some insurance companies will pick up a large % of the cost on these. Definitely worth checking into. (Top rated brands: Ameda & Medela.)
  
• Swaddling accessories, whether it be just a blanket or a specialized unit. Most everyone mentioned this in some form. 
• Baby Ear Thermometer
• Outlet covers

2. What things did you realize you needed once the baby(s) arrived that weren't obvious?

• Soothies: gel packs you put in the fridge/freezer that give relief after breast feeding
  
• Nursing Pads: for leakage

3. What things can we live without/should avoid buying because they are a waste of money?

• The one thing pretty much everyone loved to hate: the wipe warmer
• Free standing High chair—instead get one that just straps to a regular chair

Responses from Individuals

1. Top products & gear you can't/couldn't live without

• Pacifiers
  
• Diaper Cream
  
• Flannel Crib Sheets
  
• Cotton Lap Pads
  
• Book: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child
  
• Book or DVD: Happiest Baby on the Block
  
• Dimmer light switch in parents’ and baby's room.
  
• CD player in baby's room
  
• Rocking chair or rocker glider chair 
  
• Nursing pillow like a Boppy
  
• Bathtub Foam Pad
  
• Sleeping Gowns
  
• Lansinoh Lanolin - Nursing Cream
  
• Comfortable Nursing Bra that can be worn at night
  
• Shopping Cart/Restaurant HighChair Cover
  

2. Products you can live without

• Pacifiers
  
• Bottles that have many parts and are hard to clean
  
• Diaper Genie—just use the garbage can because these reek
  
• Silly little outfits that are a pain to put on, esp. things that need ironing
  
• Bottle warmer. 
  
• Special baby bath tub (a sink works just fine)
  
• Plastic Bathtub Seat
  
• Mobile
  

So while there is some agreement in the lists above, it's clear to me that every baby reacts differently to certain products and every family has different priorities & values when it comes to baby gear.  The baby industry is not a multi-billion dollar market for nothing. But as first time parents-to-be, it's really overwhelming and we had to start somewhere so I am thankful for how candid and specific some of these moms got in their responses to me.  

I ended up creating not 2, not 3, not 4 but 5 store registries to encapsulate all of the specific items we finally chose. It’s not that the volume of items is all that large but to find some of the BPA free or organic items or specific brands, it took going through Babies R Us, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond (yes, they have baby stuff!), Amazon and a place in Portland called Ecobaby to get it all.  With a wedding registry, it's just about stuff you want in your house and things that will make 2 adults happy.  When it's a baby registry, there's all this pressure to get things that are safe, useful, well-rated and appropriate.  And then of course you don't have to get it all new--but watch for recalls and there are some things you just should not get second hand.  (Sigh)

Do-wha?

We've been some busy bees here at Wetus Central. Not only are we setting up registries (more on that in a separate post) & emptying our current home office that will soon be a nursery, but we are interviewing doulas.

This is a person (99% of the time a woman) who assists you in childbirth. She is sort of a labor and birth expert who can be with the woman & her significant other throughout the entire process. She does not actually deliver the baby or give medical advice but has many strategies for working through labor, providing comfort and has extensive knowledge on what happens during the childbirth process. Good doulas get certified and attend a requisite number of births before they strike out on their own. Seattle is quite a hot bed for doulas and they have a very established network here. Their commitment to the process of birthing and their support for the couples they work with is exceptional. Having had a wedding coordinator, I liken doulas to "birthing coordinators".

I would like as many options available to us as possible in childbirth. We will be delivering in a hospital and because we're in that setting, I know there will be a tendency to push us toward more intervention. But if we are low risk at the outset, I would like very much to try to have a natural experience in the best equipped location. The doula is also a resource for Ken as it can be pretty intimidating and fatiguing to support a laboring wife. So this lady will be as much for me as it is for him. We're going to inteview about 4 different ladies and see which one meshes with our personalities and philosophy best.

All that said, we were told by the doctor at the last ultrasound that at 18 weeks I am showing complete (but not central) placenta previa. This means that right now the blood-rich placenta is covering the opening of my cervix. That's problematic for a number of reasons including the possibility of bleeding during pregnancy, pre-term delivery and an automatic c-section if it doesn't move. However we are only halfway through the pregnancy and the lower part of the uterus has yet to expand to its full capacity. This means that the placenta could "move up" and recede from the cervical opening. This would eliminate the concerns and put a natural childbirth back on the table. But we won't know if that will happen for a few more weeks so until then I am banned from any major straining/lifting or rigorous activities. (Oh twist my arm) My doc said not to do things like jumping jacks. But when was the last time I did that--high school gym? Anyway, I'm trying to stay mellow about all this and just enjoy the growing quantity and intensity of Wetus kicks I get throughout the day.

Hello Wetus

Here we are at 18 weeks. It's pretty amazing to think about how much time has gone by. I can feel the early movements of our baby and it is an amazing tickly feeling from the inside. We have nicknamed our unborn child "The Wetus" because one night I was reading to Ken from a pregnancy book and the phrase "weight of the fetus" came up. I was so tired that I just said "...the wetus..." and we both knew that was its name. We have great fun talking about what the Wetus likes or dislikes. Ken regularly sings to the Wetus before bed. People have cautioned us that the name may stick if we use it long enough but since we're not going to find out what gender the baby is, we need to call it something.



Today we had our second trimester ultrasound. This is the one where they measure EVERYTHING. While my apprehension going into this ultrasound was considerably lower than last time, that all changed once we were introduced to our sonogram technician who was an intern. I'm all for learning but it took an hour to do something that probably would have taken a practiced technician half that time. The Wetus was not cooperating and moving all over the place, granted, but she was really pushing hard on my tummy and it got a little fatiguing after awhile. But all in all, we got a good report and some more time looking at the baby. It's pretty amazing to see how active it is in there and to realize I feel very little of it at this stage. I know that will change.

Baby Room Themes

Ken and I are just back from Sarah's 30th Birthday extravaganza which lasted all weekend. I have so much video footage to review, it's just silly because we packed a whole lot of living into one weekend. So I'm going to wait until I have a little more to show to talk about it. In the meantime, on the ferry ride today from Bainbridge Island to Seattle, Ken and I discussed pressing issues. Things that keep you awake at night with their importance and pivotal effect on life as we know it.

Yes, I am speaking about baby room themes. I find it interesting that some people have full-on themes for baby rooms. Winnie the Pooh, Peter Rabbit, Dr. Seuss, Sailing, Princess, Butterflies, Noah's Ark, Trains/Cars/Trucks, Sports...Clearly it's not for the kid--who will remember none of it--but it reflects on you as a parent and showcases your ability to be clever and coalesce around an idea. I got swept up in this fantasy years ago when I was dreaming of my perfect, imaginary children with my still unidentified husband. I thought it would be neat to have one theme be "under the sea" and other one "African savanna." Clearly these would work for either gender and you could find enough accessories for both everywhere. Now, I'm not adverse to utilizing one of these themes as we prepare for late September but I fear thematic synergy will suffer from my current lack of attention span.

But then I thought, what about baby room themes we don't hear much about...
So we compiled our list of (supposed) least popular Baby Room Themes:

Famous Fascist Dictators
Apocalypse Now
Taxes
Nightmare on Elm Street
Wednesday
Calculus
Cannibals
Weaponry of the 16th Century
The Spanish Inquisition
Natural Disasters
Definitive works of M. Night Shyamalan

Common Questions Asked After a Pregnancy Announcement

It's natural for people to ask certain questions once they know you are expecting a baby--I just didn't know how predictable. Here are the 5 most common questions I've been asked.

1. When are we due?
End of September. That's as specific as I'm going to get. We've watched our neighbors who let folks know they were due March 15th (and as of this writing have still not delivered)--you would not believe all the daily comments on Facebook from their friends asking, "Is the baby here yet?" Um, don't you think there would be some major status update with pictures? So best to avoid that level of inquiry.

2. Are we going to find out the gender before it's born?
No. Call us hippies or old fashioned but Ken felt very strongly about having this one thing left as a surprise until the day it's delivered. I could have gone either way because if you know me, I'm a planner. But I can roll with it and there is enough sage, yellow, white and brown baby stuff to decorate with.

3. Do you have names?
Sort of. But we aren't telling. One reason is that Ken was supposed to be a "Ricky" but a pregnant neighbor took that name for her own son a few weeks prior to Ken's birth, knowing full well that Ken's mom wanted to use it. What I'm really sensitive to is people's gut-reactions to names. Feedback like, "Oh I dated/went to school with/had a restraining order against a (proposed name of child) so that's not a good name." It's hard enough to name a human who will grow up and be forever shaped by how easy/difficult it is to pronounce, where it falls in the alphabet, whether it gets shortened to a nickname or whether they were part of a naming fad. So that's staying under wraps until delivery day too.

4. Any cravings?
Wanting more sleep (but that's not what you mean). First trimester has included: pasta with white sauce, cheese, grapefruit, diluted cranberry juice, peas, wedge cut oranges and organic gummy bears. Aversions? Anything that smells the slightest bit off, doughnuts, garlicky things, steak and broccoli. Of all things, broccoli--one of my favorite vegetables. Well I only eat 7 vegetables anyway so that's a major loss. I still force myself to eat it but can't get excited about it like I once did.

5. Are you going back to work after baby is born?
All options are on the table.

Letter from One Expectant Dad to another

Mantooth sent this today and imparts sage advice...

Dear Ken,
Having done the pregnant wife thing two times in two years now, I felt it my due diligence to bless you with the benefit of my wisdom and help you avoid some of the pitfalls I've experienced whilst dealing with a pregnant woman.

1. A woman's body undergoes drastic changes during pregnancy. Weight gain, bloating, swelling, farting...it just gets worse over the course of nine months. During this time, Kali will almost certainly encounter self esteem issues and need to be validated that you find her as attractive now as you did before she was pregnant. You must be very honest with your wife and tell her "No." First, women appreciate honestly. Second, this will set a very attainable goal for her after the baby is born to regain her previous figure.

2. Sometimes, the hormones coursing through a pregnant woman's veins will cause her to act very irrationally. Sudden bouts of anger, sadness, crying, etc. Your only recourse during these times is to act even more irrationally than your wife. I took to wearing a clown nose, urinating in the corner and singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" every time Charlotte had one of her spells. It fixed things up pretty quick.

3. Kali won't be able to do all of the normal things she used to do before getting pregnant. Things like drinking. Some fathers to be mistakenly think they should take one for the team and not do things their wife can't. Actually you should do them more! If Kali is craving a glass of wine, drink a bottle and let her know exactly how much you enjoyed it. Be very descriptive. This is called "visualization" and can help her overcome many of the stresses of gestation.

4. Be sure and remind Kali that women in China give birth in rice patties while working. Do this every time she complains for the next nine months.

5. Kali may try and get you to read books about child birth. If she does, just open the book to a random place, scream "OOOHHH! GROSS!" and then run from the room.

I really hope I've helped.

Love you both,
Mantooth

Twitter in the Delivery Room

This fantastical hypothetical by Sean Mantooth (soon to be dad) explores what might be "tweeted" during the cesarean birth of his daughter Lily, scheduled tomorrow...

"DOCTORS CUTTING CHAR OPEN NOW...WONDER IF I SHOULD HELP?"

"NOTE TO SELF - THEY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU TOUCH THE MACHINE THAT GOES BEEP BEEP BEEP"

"WOW! THE PLACENTA IS BIG! REALLY BIG! IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE THE ALIEN! NO...THE PREDATOR! I CAN'T DECIDE"

"THE PLACENTA DEFINITELY LOOKS LIKE THE PREDATOR."

"CUTTING UMBILICAL CORD...I HAVE DEMANDED TO USE MY TEETH."

"THIS BABY LOOKS DISTURBINGLY LIKE PAT SHEEHAN."

Guess what?

Remember that San Juan trip we took at the beginning of January? I did this test the day before we returned home. The time between then and now has taken FOREVER.

This is Sakai/Moore baby at 13 weeks. Thus far everything is going well.



So last Thursday we went in for our ultrasound and while we were a little anxious at first, we soon settled into a wild show of our baby kicking and rolling and moving its arms up and down. It’s too small yet for me to feel it which is why I was so amazed by all that movement. It takes your breath away to see that baby on the monitor for the first time—when it’s happening to you (especially when we really had to work to become pregnant)—there is nothing more gratifying and wondrous.

"The kid just doesn't want to be measured." --Back turned toward us with hand up to face.

But when the tech went to do that measurement of the fluid at the back of the neck, the kid did not want to cooperate. Baby would not lay flat enough to get a good angle. The tech pushed on my abdomen, made me roll to one side, elevate my hips—nothing really worked. She was able to get a few readings and sort of averaged them and they all were normal.

I think the whole thing was finally real to Ken, who could now see the reason why his petite wife has turned into a bloated, tired, belching, pasta-hungry, often nauseous and sometimes irritable harpy. Talking about it now (blogging about it!) just blows my mind because we’ve kept it so under wraps that sharing the news makes it all brand new again. Clearly anything can still happen at anytime—that is true about everything in life—but I think given our experiences over the last few years, I have developed a deeper appreciation for the moments we do have and the people who are present in our lives. Nothing is certain but moments of joy deserve to be shared.