The "Stay At Home Mom" conundrum

You'd think that being a mother in modern times would be a easier. Our generation of women proved we could be anything we wanted to be and many things simultaneously. When we started having babies, it was supposed to be the best educated and best prepared group for motherhood. Yet the guilt, anxiety and exhaustion of trying to fulfill this prophecy made some of our ranks competitive, doubtful and judgy. Lots of discussion started about the "Mommy Wars," pitting women who remain in the workforce against those who stay home. All this rhetoric makes everyone feel defensive and that whatever situation you've got isn't quite good enough.

I'll admit making this decision was not easy for me. For all of my adult life, I worked hard to earn respect and credibility as a highly competent digital media professional. Then all of a sudden, I was on the doorstep of another role I had always aspired to (being a mom). But I had no idea of how being a stay-at-home-mom (or as I like to say "domestic project manager") would fit me or how to reconcile my professional self with being the kind of mom I wanted to be. So I knew I had to get back to basics. While mulling it over, I realized there were just 5 fundamental questions I needed to ask myself.

1. What can we afford financially?
I created a budget in 2007 when we started thinking about a baby and figured out that we could meet our financial responsibilities with one income. Not everyone can do that, I understand. Sometimes it's a matter of living within one's means but for others it takes both salaries to make the mortgage. In this economy most people on the bubble are not eager to jettison the second income. I definitely needed assurance we could do this before I committed to giving up my job. But indeed our life would need to contract and the discretionary spending would have to tighten up considerably. To this day though, I am still feeling my way through our budget and seeing what things really cost. I'll be honest, it's been a challenge to alter the spending behavior of once having had two incomes.

2. What effect will this have on our child?
Before we had Sidney, Ken and I discussed what we liked about our own childhoods and both of us had moms who stayed home in the early years. I vividly remember the comfort I felt when I would be at home with my mom or come home from school & she would be there. Also, she would go on field trips with my classes and would volunteer at the school. I knew that I would want to provide that for our child too.

From everything I have read, the first 3-5 years of a child's life are the most important in setting the stage for confidence, curiosity and a multitude of fledgling skills. Especially since it took great effort to conceive her, I was determined that one of her parents would get the privilege of experiencing these hard-fought milestones.

3. What effect will the decision have on me (my aspirations, my sanity, my desire to be a good mom)?
I wanted a new challenge and I certainly got it. This is the hardest job I've ever done with 10-12 hrs a day including weekends and both physically & mentally demanding. But it has rounded me out as a person. I didn't know I had the compassion, creativity & patience that I do. For me, being a mom at home showed me that.

As for my future in the workforce, I am linked to many of my former colleagues via Facebook, Linked In and keep in touch directly too. While I am most comfortable with high tech, I have also been interested in project management and non-profit work. I look forward to working for a company I believe in when I start again and it could be in any sector as far as I'm concerned. So it's a big question mark what will happen to my career next.

I do miss the constant, daily adult interaction and am amazed at how "small" my world has become. Being interested in technology, things change very fast so I skim a few technical blogs so Ken and I can chat when he gets home about the industry. But I've heard stories about how women who leave the workforce are looked down upon. In terms of my own professional identity, I worked very hard my whole life in school and in the working world to earn the respect of others by delivering results and learning new things. What I hear myself talking about now completely amazes me. Just yesterday I detailed the ingredients of a slow cooker recipe, described Sidney's poop, groused about other mothers at co-op and had a few hours of rambling narrative directed at my daughter about what we were looking at any given moment.

I have joined a few parenting groups, attend foreign language story times and have enrolled us in an infant co-op so that there are things to look forward to & other people to interact with. But most important for Sidney & me, amassing a new community of friends and associates who are focused on raising children.

4. What childcare options do we have?
With the closest immediate family 3 hours away, we would require a non-family member to watch Sidney if I worked. It's very expensive to get good care and naturally competitive with many like-minded parents vying for limited spots. The economy sucks right now but even before, most companies (except some few enlightened ones) really don't accommodate working families. It's short-sighted and forces people to choose job or family.

5. What work options do I have?
It seemed the right timing to ride off into the sunset after my maternity leave. If there was a way to command a completely flexible schedule with minimal part-time hours, I wouldn't mind staying somewhat connected to a workplace but I just don't see it right now. This choice comes across pretty black and white but maybe that's because the American society sees it that way: either you're in the workforce or you're not. Yes, there are people who have situations that are the perfect balance but it's a rare thing.

In my friend Sarah's yearly letter to friends and family, she said this of her pregnancy though I think it could be applied to parenthood in general:
"And your body pulses with a cocktail of new hormones like "relaxin," which while sounding lovely, makes your joints stretch in ways that would impress Gumby. Along with all the physical stretching, though, it's the mind that bends the most. What about my career? My travels? Our ability to feel spontaneous and independent? Pregnancy challenges us to face uncertainty and changes in a life pattern we've come to cherish."

And so my mind is bending to embrace the new priorities as each day passes and Sidney grows up. I feel undeniably fortunate to have this chance to participate and witness it first hand. As Shannon reminded me, though Sidney will not remember much of this time, I will. So I just need to remember that on those rare, tough days when the routine gets a little tedious or the girl is fussy.

The New Mom Haze

I've been Sidney's mom for about 13 weeks now. Sometimes I can't believe it. Last night I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and thinking, 'there's a baby in the other room and she's mine.' Even at 35, I find myself wondering if I'm "qualified" to be some one's mom; but then I think, yeah and it's about damn time.

Truthfully, our first weeks after bringing Sidney home from the hospital were really tough and I struggled to keep it together. I've already talked about the breastfeeding ordeal which had a lot to do with that, but the hormonal fluctuation and the sleep deprivation were also intense. (This is expected for new moms and not what is considered post-partum depression. That is much more severe and you usually can't lift out of it like I was eventually able to do.) But at week two, I commented on Facebook that I couldn't believe it had only been a few weeks with Sidney and that it felt like much longer. My co-worker Dave said it was because I was awake for so much of it.

I like to pride myself in being pretty steady and level emotionally. I also like to think of myself as rational and thoughtful. But my god in the first weeks, I didn't recognize myself. I would start crying when I thought about my mom having return to Portland, when I would see puppies in commercials or when veering into territory regarding my feelings about ANYTHING. And unlike college all-nighters, the consecutive nights of sleep deprivation with a baby make you delirious or at least chronically absent-minded. I couldn't remember anything and there are lots of appointments in the first weeks--and especially with Sidney's jaundice, we had people coming and going here at the house. I could take nothing for granted so everything had to be written down or the information would evaporate into the ether.

I realized too that I had to give it all (emotionally, physically, mentally, intellectually) to fulfill her every need. Her fragility and dependence weighed so heavily--I thought then it might be more than I could bear. But I remembered something my co-worker Craig said a few years ago to me: "Having kids is like cutting out a piece of your heart and putting it out in the world. You have no control over it and it can get hurt." I guess as a parent you are always trying to balance protecting your child versus preparing them to deal with harsh realities of life. It's like you're slowly letting the rope out. When you're a kid, all you want to do it push the limits and as a parent all you want to do is protect that little being as long as possible. (I'm sure toddler-hood will be fun.)

I no longer feel the level of anxiety I had at the beginning where I felt constantly unsure of myself. But I can see why some parents can seem over-bearing and over-protective. That trap of wanting to do everything right and what the books say can make you crazy. Instincts (as muted and suppressed in our hi-tech world as they are) count for something.

No one really told me any of this or maybe as a non-parent you can't quite grasp the intensity. The only frame of reference you have is being someone's kid and it's hard to appreciate all that parents do from that perspective. Personally all of the effort we put into getting pregnant, staying pregnant, eating right, not learning how to deliver vaginally and taking all the classes, still left the "after the baby arrives" part a little abstract. Once I gave birth I actually thought: Whew, that's over. Now I can relax. (Cue hysterical laughter.)

My Two Babies

(Originally posted on Sidney's Page)

Prior to Sidney's arrival, Ken and I already had a ravenous, excreting, 11-pound bundle of joy named Oliver. Anyone who's been here can tell you he's a little bit off. Not mean or spasmodic but sort of compulsive and distant. He has dealt with the new addition to the family by eating alot and acting slightly more friendly to us & visitors since he gets so little interaction from us now. But he never was a very affectionate cat to be begin with so it's hard to know how much his life has really changed.



He usually regards Sidney as a strange, noisy object to be avoided or ignored.



He's only sitting here because I am dangling the end of my robe tie for him to play with.



It doesn't appear that Sidney really knows what to think of Oliver but one day that tail is going to be quite grab-worthy.

We all live on a...Spanish Galleon

Ever since Ms. Sidney came into our lives, Ken and I have made a growing discovery that we live aboard a 17th century sailing ship that creaks like the dickens. We had no idea how squeaky our floors were until walking around in the wee-hours of the night to get to the baby's room, get to the kitchen to warm bottles or go to the bathroom--all without disturbing our newest family member. And for those of you who have been to the house, we're not talking alot of distance. Ken thought he might get out some painter's tape and put marks on the floor where the squeaks are so we could avoid them but then he might as well just put a big X across the whole thing. There is nothing that can be done for us unfortunately. You can fix squeaks in a wood floor by drilling screws or nailing the floor boards up from the bottom but you need an unfinished basement to do that and we don't have one of those.

Suggested Items for New Parents

I thought I'd make a list of specific items we have found extremely valuable in the first 7 weeks at home with Sidney. They have supplied welcome relief as we embark on the journey of parenthood. Not an exhaustive list by any means but my favorites.

• Bibs: At first, I thought they were just cute accessories. But for a baby that gets fed from a bottle, it can help minimize the wet collar that inevitably happens as milk runs down their chin. And for both formula and breastfed baby, they are the first line of defense against spit-up and hence decrease the number of outfit changes.
• White board: As a new parent, you're constantly keeping track of feedings, diaper changes, pumping schedule, dr. appts, medicine dosages (if app) and stuff like that. When one is majorly sleep deprived, your memory is questionable so write it down and if you want to relay something to the other caregivers in the house (but don't have them right in front of you) this is an invaluable communication tool.
• DVDs to view: "Happiest Baby on the Block" & "Dunstan Baby Language" Both of these are extremely helpful in giving guidance about how to help your baby feel comforted and understood. "Happiest" gives 5 solid ways to soothe a baby and "Dunstan" interprets 5 distinct cries and what they mean. Rent or borrow first and then decide if you need to own a copy.
• Books to own: "Baby 411" & "What to Expect in the First Year" My bible was "Baby 411" in the first days/weeks. I was constantly referring it. I love the way it is organized by topic and the layout is easy to read with lots of bullet points (my favorite way to intake information). In contrast, "What To Expect" is organized by months of age, so you can see everything that should be happening within the monthly intervals. It's nice to be able to cross reference by topic and time frame.
• Drying rack If you bottle feed and/or use a breast pump, there are parts that constantly need washing. There are cages you can put certain parts in for the dishwasher but if you aren't running the dishwasher multiple times a day, you'll still need to hand wash a bunch of things. A rack will also be invaluable for storage and minimizing the impact to your counter space.
• Kiddopotamus Swaddle Me Wraps (cotton or fleece depending on season) New babies like to be swaddled and while you can do this with a blanket, these wraps are better because they contain the arms and legs separately. That means you don't have to undo the entire swaddle to change a diaper--this is key.
• Burp cloths shaped like a peanut, like THESE. For a spitty baby like ours, we use lots of burp cloths and these stay on your shoulder better.
• VIPP Diaper Pail This is a totally indulgent item that most people could do without, but if you've ever smelled the diaper of a formula fed baby--oh yeah--we needed this. In the book "Baby Bargains," (one of the best resources for baby things) they actually gave the VIPP diaper pail an "F" because 1) it's expensive and 2) the reviewer had some trouble getting the bag of used diapers out of the can. But I don't agree with this. It's not that hard to pull it out and honestly for the foot petal, soft close top, minimal use of plastic and *no* odor--that's pretty much why we bought it. Feel free to get something cheaper or just use the kitchen trash but since we still use disposable diapers enough of the time, it was worth it to us.
• Medela Symphony Breast Pump (as a rental): It's a hospital-grade unit and called the "Cadillac of Breastpumps." It's modulated by a computer that mimics the rhythms of a baby's suckle and it's quite powerful so you can spend half the time attached to it as compared to a consumer grade pump. Even though I owned my own home pump, I had to rent this one to increase my milk supply (when I was briefly trying to breast feed) and relieve engorgement that neither the baby nor my pump were able to. Regarding the rubber membranes that make this pump work--buy extra ones because they are fragile and use a teaball to wash them so they don't get lost down the drain.
• Cloud and Stars Crib Zipper Sheets: Simply the fastest & best solution for changing crib sheets--ever.
• Robe and slippers: Get some warm, comfortable ones. You'll be spending lots of time in them and need something wear as you shuffle into the baby's room for late night feedings. A robe can also act as a body-sized spit-up shield in a pinch.

New Parents need a Warning Label

Allow me to throw out a warning: new parents (< 4weeks) should not be allowed to speak to pregnant or potentially pregnant folks. This became very obvious to me as we were receiving guests in Sidney's first few weeks of life. Well-wishers would come over with food and eagerness to see our spawn but naturally we were dazed and sleep deprived. I was lucky to string a sentence together and hold my fragile hormone-addled emotions in check. That alone should immediately disqualify a person for parenthood evangelism and giving advice because invariably our pregnant or potentially pregnant friends would ask us what was the "best thing" or "most magical thing" about being a new parent. Ken and I would look at each other blankly, struggling for an honest yet positive answer. At that point, the most magical thing about Sidney was how much poop she could generate. But that didn't seem like a good answer.



So we hope our pregnant friends will forgive us and focus on what is upon us now. Because now, oh now, things are quite delightful. We are just a hair shy of 6 weeks and each day we see great changes. The feeding situation has settled down so that the source of her food (formula) and the timing of her eating intervals is predictable. She does not yet sleep through the night or go any longer than 4 hours maximum without eating, but we have high hopes that will happen soon. Her interactivity and eye contact is much increased. She takes in the world with wide-eyed wonder and is on the verge of smiling socially (with cause, not just involuntarily or because of gas). Recognition of who Mama & Daddy are when we are in her field of vision is distinct. She is starting to lift her head up and gain more control over her wildly flailing limbs. It's starting to get really fun AND we can appreciate it. Two very important things.

Sidney's Birth Story

One month ago today, Sidney was born. So I think it only fitting to finally compile her birth story.

Ken was taking notes as the event unfolded so all of his words are in blue. The rest is me.

9/8/09

6AM
Kali's water broke! We scrambled to pull our stuff together. (Kali's bag was already packed, mine was quick thanks to her list & prep). Three weeks early, but full term & we're excited to welcome The Wetus to our world.

We're in the hospital getting checked up initially--there's a possibility of natural birth if the placenta has moved...something we weren't prepared for! Getting ready to do an ultrasound to check. Cindy is nurse attending to us, very nice.

9AM
Unexpected turn--Kali's showing all signs of preeclampsia, so we won't be able to use Anna (our doula) and they'll likely give Kali magnesium sulfate to help keep her calm & prevent seizures. We can possibly choose between natural or Cesarean, but we haven't prepped for natural birth, so Kali's a little reluctant to go that path w/o a doula. Contractions ~7 minutes apart. Kali is falling asleep.

Dr. Foltz will deliver the child--she recommends natural birth (vaginal) and will allow Anna to doula--Kali's blood work apparently checked out fine and her blood pressure is coming down some. Getting ultrasound now to see if placenta has moved away from the cervix...technician thinks so, but need doctor's assessment.
Lights are low, no phone/computer/stimulating devices, needs to be quiet for concern of preeclampsia/seizures.

(Kali's note: These concerns were never founded and were the over reaction of our nurse. It was actually more stressful to envision these limitations and then after the blood work came back within normal limits, we realized that clearing everything through the doctor first was the only way to go.)

10AM
Contractions ~2 minutes apart but not so strong.

11:45AM
I went to get a World Wrapp & stuff my face, and bought a cord to connect the mp3 player to the speakers...Kali is sitting tight, just had a mildly strong contraction. Waiting for Dr. Foltz to come give a word. Kali is really hungry, poor thing.
Listening to Prokofiev's Concerto 1 in D Major.

12:30PM
Dr. Foltz came in--the placenta previa has totally cleared so rather than a c-section we're going to go with natural vaginal birth (!).
We're going to get full use of our doula now :) Kali is able to eat a bit, which makes her very happy.

4:10PM
The labor/delivery nurse is encouraging us to get Pitosin going to induce labor. Kali called Anna who suggested trying nipple stimulation...trying that now.

5:20PM
Kali spoke with Dr. Foltz and agreed to a little Pitocin to get the ball rolling. She's having it added to her IV now. Anna is on her way...things are going to get going soon I suspect! I've been watching "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf" on Netflix, good movie.

11:30PM
Anna is here--very comforting. She knows just what to do to help Kali cope with the contractions, which are about 2 minutes apart now and difficult for Kali. She has had 2 half doses of Fentanyl and will get an epidural eventually. The pain spikes are bringing on some nausea. But next she'll do a few contractions on the toilet, then some time in the tub. Dr. Foltz says the baby will come at about 6AM. Cool beanz! I'm a little tired, but happy all is well so far.

(Kali's note: I wanted to try everything and get dilated to at least 5 before the epidural. We got to use the ball and the tub which I was very happy about. But by the time we hit the tub I was almost at my pain threshold limit and that turkey salad that I had so badly wanted earlier came back up. Aside from vomiting on my husband and doula, the transition from the tub to getting an epidural was smooth. I can see why women swear by them--it was a gigantic relief and to know that I had waited long enough on the dilation part also made me feel very good.)

9/9/09

4:10AM
We've slept some since Kali's epidural (on & off for ~3 hours)... Kali is at 10cm and ready to go!!! Anna's going to come over and we'll do this thing. :)

4:30AM

This is where Ken stops writing. Baby's head hasn't molded to get through the pelvis so we're waiting another few hours to see the progression.

6:00AM

Checked again and head has molded so baby can come down through the birth canal. Real pushing to begin before the end of the hour.

6:30-8AM

Hard labor with major pushing. Ken and Anna on each side holding a leg. Dr. Foltz pops in and out to see progression. Fingers being placed at the opening so I can focus on a place to push and a 10-count are very helpful since there is a lack of feeling and after 24 hours of dilation--I'm very tired. Also lamenting the lack of core strength due to no exercise during pregnancy and the suspension of yoga due to "placenta previa" concerns.

~8AM Crowning

Touched baby's head. Intense stretching at the opening--they call it the "Ring of Fire." No shit. Haven't taken any labor/delivery prep so I am doing whatever the doula & the med staff say. Since I'm tired, there is a lot of pausing during the pushing which doesn't make it very effective in pushing baby out quick but it is stretching so there will be less chance of tearing or an episiotomy. At one point, they asked me if I wanted a mirror to "see" what was going on down there--"No! Let's focus people and get this baby out!" I said. I request them to tell me when contractions are coming (via the monitor) because the epidural interferes with me being able to feel them yet I can intensely feel the Ring of Fire--how is that possible? In my mind, I'm wishing the doctor would just pull the baby out--feels stuck. Finally one of the pushes gets baby's head clear which is a major relief to the Ring and to me since I am utterly exhausted. In the final pushes, Anna says to be "fierce" but my first thought is of Christian Siriano.

But that didn't quite do it. So I then thought of a great white shark and that seemed to do the trick. Never have I felt such relief as when the baby exited my body. Whew.

It was surreal as they pulled her out and Ken cut the cord. He had to double-check then announced what I had suspected the whole pregnancy, that we had a girl. "This is Sidney," he said. We had decided on the girl's name years ago (like on one of our first dates) but we had a list of 40 boys names--nothing really standing out above the rest. So that was a relief.


They placed her on my chest and vigorously rubbed her and got her bundled up. She had a long cone shaped head and her face was sort of swollen. Ken cried and I would have too if not for the exhaustion. So I just gazed at her and just couldn't believe that I had given birth.

Got Milk?

I’d say 99% of my conversations these days with fellow mothers hit on the topic of breastfeeding. As a new mom, your life can be consumed by it. The schedule, the technique, the accessories, the whole process...

As they say “breast is best” and any breastfeeding you can do is highly encouraged. Enough medical evidence and social pressure exist to support breast milk as the best food for baby which is a shift from a generation or two ago, where formula was the modern and best way to go. We certainly agree that breast milk is optimum but why do so many women find it unintuitive and confounding to breastfeed? To put this in perspective, think of the most frustrating experience you’ve ever had where you didn’t accomplish your goal--now multiply that feeling by 10. That’s breastfeeding for team Moore-Sakai.

Sidney and I just could not even get out of the starting blocks on this one. Here’s the full story on our experience of breast feeding.

When I gave birth, the 2 mounds of flesh on my chest finally had a purpose and I was looking forward to this ability to produce something within my own body that could completely and efficiently nurture our child. And that’s where my enthusiasm for the process began and ended. Several issues contributed to our consummate failure at nursing/breastfeeding…

1. Because Sidney was born 3 weeks early, she was very tired so her sucking was under-powered. This didn’t allow her to get the hang of how much effort she’d need to put out to get milk from the breast.
2. We used nipple shields (plastic sheaths that go over your nipples that have holes in them) to give her something more defined to latch onto since her lower jaw was slightly recessed and limited her range of opening. From the outset, her latch was bad.
3. As the days went on, we found out she needed to be treated for jaundice and the amount of hydration she was getting from the scanty colostrum I was stranded with before my milk came in was not flushing the bad stuff out. Not only did she have to be put on a light box to help dissipate the toxins, the doctors also recommended that we give her formula to start flushing out her system. So within days of her arrival and well before breastfeeding was established, she was sucking down formula from a bottle.
4. Since breast milk works as a supply & demand phenomenon, the fact that she wasn’t adequately demanding meant my body wasn’t supplying so the amount of milk I was creating was not keeping pace with her need for it. We had to supplement with formula anyway.

But we soldiered on. We consulted a lactation specialist, our doula, rented a hospital grade pump and attempted to use SNS (supplemental nursing systems) which mimicked feeding from the breast. This included a tube and syringe that was precariously placed within the nipple shield that pushed liquid into her mouth or “finger feeding” where Ken would use that same tube and syringe but use put his finger into her mouth to ensure that she was sucking and latching somewhat correctly. So it took 2 of us to feed her every 3 hours and it was so tedious yet we hung in there.

At her 2 week check up, she gained back her birth weight plus 4 extra ounces so the doctor suggested we try removing the supplemental systems at SOME of the feedings. I, in my sleep deprived and eager state, heard “let’s cut over to nursing for all of the feedings.” At the time, she needed 2 ounces at each feeding so we supplemented ½ oz. of formula just to give her a safety net. We assumed she’d get the other 75% of her meal from the breast herself. We started this on a Tuesday night and noticed that while she would be fussy after most feedings, she seemed to be “doing it.” (Note: For the night feedings, we straight up gave her 2 oz of formula from a bottle per the doctor’s recommendation.)

We decided to be on the safe side and rent a highly calibrated scale where we could weigh her before and after feedings to see how much breast milk she was actually pulling. The scale did not arrive until Saturday, 4.5 days after we switched over to Sidney-powered nursing. You know what I said in the previous blog about her “latching and nursing pretty well”—yeah, not so much. To our horror, we realized that Sidney was only pulling .1-.2 oz. of breast milk on her own. That’s well below what we assumed she was doing and as a result she lost a total 6 ounces in those 4.5 days from her 2-week checkup. We immediately began giving her a bottle of 2 full ounces at all feedings from then on to get the weight back up.

I was traumatized by this turn of events. Despite our best efforts, there were so many obstacles in our way to make nursing successful. Our pediatrician was very empathetic and supportive of us. She commended our dedication to try to make breastfeeding work but glad that we had discovered & corrected the supply problem. She said many families would not have stuck with it as long as we had or gone to the lengths we did to try to make it work. So at that point, we decided we were done. Done struggling with a process that was supposed to be natural but was anything but for us. With my supply stagnating, her demand per feeding increasing and so much of her feedings being formula any way, we decided that we’d be weaning from breast milk entirely around 5 weeks.

She would already have received the vital antibodies at the 3 week mark which our pediatrician advised us was important and we’d know that for all of our efforts, we had really tried. It would also eliminate a huge piece of anxiety that surrounded all feedings. I know there is a very adamant and vocal community who would condemn our decision. Perhaps they would call us selfish or not committed enough to our daughter’s well being and welfare. But we really tried and it was heartily disappointing. Ultimately though you have to do what is best for everyone involved. Being raised on formula isn’t the end of the world though. So many of our generation were and thankfully there is that option when the breastfeeding just doesn’t work.

My advice to all soon-to-be and new moms who want to breast feed is to line up resources and contacts as soon a possible. Don’t be afraid to reach out immediately when you have questions or things don’t seem to be going right. Hospitals usually have programs that can assist and there are doulas & consultants ready to help in-home as well. If you want to try to make breastfeeding work, there are the tools and folks out there. I will say the breast feeding is definitely worth trying even if it doesn’t become the long-term feeding solution.

What's new

The long silence on the blog can only mean one thing and I apologize for the delay but we've been uh...busy.

Ken and I are pleased to announce the early arrival of our daughter Sidney Katsuko Moore back on 09-09-09 @ 8:17am. She weighed in at 6lbs. 8oz. at 18 inches long.

She was originally due on 9/26 and was actually scheduled to arrive via c-section on 9/21. However, upon arrival at the hospital on Tuesday 9/8 in the early morning after my water broke, we were told that the complication that prompted our scheduled c-section was no longer present. So natural childbirth was back on the table. It's funny because Ken and I had been told since week 24 that we were having a c-section so we skipped all the chapters and classes on labor/childbirth. But thankfully we have the best doula in the world, Anna, who guided us through the experience and really empowered us to have the best birth possible. (I will write specifically about the birth experience in a separate blog later.)

Since being home...

My mom was here from 9/10-9/15 and we couldn't have survived those first days without all of her dutiful assistance and just ensuring that the household had food, clean dishes, clean laundry and moral support.

My dad and brother came up on on the weekend 9/11-13 for a previously scheduled WSU exhibition game.

Then my cousin Angela (who we neglected to get any pictures of while she was here) came up for this last weekend 9/18-20. Her help was instrumental in giving us some opportunity to get rest and to spend more quality time with our daughter instead of tending to household chores.

We are hanging in there but the sleep deprivation is ridiculously taxing. Sid likes to be alert and awake from 1-4am. We call it the "witching hour". Thankfully we reviewed the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD the other day so we have tricks to calm her down but she won't necessarily sleep during that time. But the doctor says it will get better when her circadian rhythm gets righted. That will take awhile.

She had jaundice initially and was diagnosed with a high enough level that we had to get a special bed with lights in it to help dissipate the toxins. In addition we had to give her formula since my milk hadn't come in yet. She had to be on this light table 24/7 except when changed and fed. It was so sad because we really couldn't interact with her and she was so lethargic due to the jaundice. It was quite trying. Everyday a nurse would come here, weigh her, examine her and take a blood sample to see if the levels were improving. Finally four days later the level dropped enough to take her off the box. It was so weird being able to have her in the living room and hang out with us. But we were very glad for it.

Breastfeeding has been difficult for a number of reasons: Sidney being 3 weeks early (not having the jaw strength initially), the jaundice, my nipples being flat and her jaw is slightly recessed. Milk finally did come in and I got engorged--hurt so bad. We made an emergency call to a lactation consultant and now I have a hospital grade Medela pump---within 24 hours it has made a world of difference--boobs are nice and happy again. Because it was so critical to get here ample nutrition and irradiate the jaundice, we had to supplement her big time with formula.

Gaining a decent milk supply is a multi-faceted puzzle with lots of interdependency. It can get really complicated and frustrating really fast. The milk supply is best stimulated by the baby herself--but the baby needs to latch/suck to do this. In order to latch/suck, you need a properly shaped nipple. If you are not born with this, a nipple shield (plastic sheath that goes over nipple) will suffice but it is not as efficient or effective as the real boob. We were told to use a tube & syringe that feeds into the nipple shield to deliver the supplements of breast milk (~40ml) & formula (~20ml) while simulating the act of nursing for Sidney. This way she would get used to the experience when she could do it for real. This equals about 2 oz of liquid a feeding x 8 feedings daily.

At first, the syringe business was excruciatingly awful but we rose to the occasion and Sidney responded well. Maybe a little too well. When we went in to the doctor Tuesday to get her 2 week exam, she had gained 8 ounces in 4 days for a weight of 6 pounds 12 ounces which is 4 ounces over her birth weight. It was suggested we get moving off of the syringe feedings and solely onto nursing with/without the nipple shield. We are actively trying to make this transition which also throws our formerly very strict feeding schedule of every 3 hours into a freestyle watch-and-wait feeding cycle which makes Mama & Daddy very tired. It sure is complicated but the good news is, Sidney is latching & nursing pretty well. When she hits her expected due date of 9/26, we are hoping see an increase in her energy level and feeding prowess.

But things change on a moment to moment basis. We learn things and observe patterns. Life is cut up into 3 hour segments. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced and I can't believe I'm some body's mom...